OK, I just have to brag on God's kindness and Mercy and for being patient with his whiny children.
Tuesday morning, I was writing in my journal, talking about figuring out bills and thinking about writing the magazine ideas I had. My planned subbing job that I'd been counting on to supplement my income had fell through. I was jobless and after this last check wasn't sure how I'd get my bills paid. Even if I did begin publishing, it would take awhile to receive the money.
Yet, I've determined I will trust God in all this. That He does have good plans to prosper and not bring harm. I believe it, but when I'm sitting in front of my checkbook... well, you know.
I'd actually written these words:
"More than anything, I want to be in your will and I'm just uncertain right now. And I'm scared. And I hate that I'm not helping to support my family right now when Bob is working so hard."
Perhaps it was the sheer honesty of my words that changed things, I don't know.
But as I went about my day, I began to feel compelled to go up to the sub office and ask to be put on the list.
Let's get something straight, Jackie doesn't like like going anywhere and asking for anything. I get nervous and tongue tied and ... well, it's just embarrassing. But the thought wouldn't' go away.
About noon, I began to have his conversation with myself. Or maybe it was with God. Either way, this is what I heard:
"You belly-ache over not having a job. But when given a possible solution, you whine that you don't want to do that. For Pete's sake!"
Yes, I often say for Pete's sake to myself. I don't know why.
That did it. I decided, fine, I was going. I would just get my purse, drive up to the office and walk right in. I would just do it. I had nothing (seriously) to lose.
The whole time, that inner voice was saying, "Good, just go. Great, see ya. YOU HAVEN'T LEFT YET!!?"
So I went up there, told the man my story about how I'd been an aide last year and quit so I could sub and now I couldn't sub because there was so many people..."
When he heard I was a former employee, he took me into his office, looked up my application and said he would fit me in.
I'm going to get to sub after all. All the worry-ful weight I'd been carrying slid off my back and dissipated like mist. Honest. I felt lighter. I would have a means of supporting myself while I wrote. My bills could still be paid. Praise God.
That's all I could do on the way home. Praise Him.
Praise Him and get to writing, which I've done. With a renewed sense of vigor and enthusiasm.
And that, my friends, is how truly Awesome the God I serve is.
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