Monday, May 16, 2011

When We Hurt Eachother

Does anyone really mean to hurt another?

I suppose, when we hurt, sometimes we lash out at others in our hurt and anger.
But purposefully? With intention? Not when it's someone we love.

Yet, it's the ones we love the most that we tend to hurt the most.
Like angry words at a child when they break something valuable.
Perhaps its a spouse who's not measuring up.
Maybe it's simply taking advantage of someone, forgetting they have feelings, or that they have their own issues they are dealing with.
Or it could simply be letting someone down who put their trust in you.
I don't know why this happens. But the more we love someone, the worse it feels when the hurt comes.

We forget our own humanness. We forget that people are fallible. And the only thing or person of perfection is God himself.

How can we avoid being hurt?

I don't think we can. We are human, and as we've been given the gift of love, so much comes within the pretty package: hurt, guilt, joy, fulfillment, failure, and so much more. We hurt because we love, actually. I just don't think there's any getting around it.

C.S. Lewis wrote:
"To love at all is to be venerable. To love anything and your heart will be
wronged and possibly broken. If you want to make sure to keep it in tact, then
you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully around with
hobbies, attachments and little luxuries, and avoid all entanglements. Lock your
heart up in a safe place like a casket or a coffin of selfishness. But in that
casket, safe and dark and motionless and airless, your heart will change. And it
will not be broken. Instead, it will become ungrateful... impenetrable...
irredeemable.... The only place outside of heaven where you can be perfectly
safe from all the dangers of love, is hell."

I hurt a friend's heart. And mine is broken as well. I cried many tears when it happened, and I'm sure they did as well in one way or another.

God gave me that friend and trusted me with a precious heart and I got careless. And it would be easy to blow it off, to say "Well, I apologized and they need to forgive and get over it." But it's not that easy. Sometimes we forget what a priceless gift friends are. We forget the price Jesus paid for us. As humans, we forget each other's value.

I never meant any harm. I made a very bad choice. Unwise. I had thought a lot about it, but I don't think I prayed it through enough. Or perhaps at all. That's so important. Involving God in all we do, especially when it concerns others. It's easy to run ahead and forget to not take a step until you have a tight grip on His hand.

Then your left with a thousand broken pieces and you wonder if it's possible to clean up such a mess. A mess I myself have created. And I don't suppose all the brooms and dustpans, all the superglue in the world can fix it. So I turn to God and ask for His intervention.

Father, I've made a big mess and I need your help to clean it up!

I sit and think of all the things I could have done differently. It's strange how much clearer all the should have dones are in hindsight.

I pray that time will heal what's been broken. That God will step in and repair the damage I've so carelessly caused. I pray  for given another chance. And with that second chance, I'll take better care and remember what a gift friendship is. Something that shouldn't be taken lightly.

Father, teach us how to be good, solid friends. Help us remember to never forget what a precious treasure people are. We are all your children, and you love each and every one of us as if we were the only one on the face of the earth. Help us to value each other in that same way. Amen.


A repost from the archives, because some things are worth repeating.

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