Leaving a trail of clutter

The seed cast in the gravel--
this is the person who hears the word and instantly responds with enthusiasm
But there is no soil of character...
so when the emotions wear off and some difficulty arrives
There is nothing to show for it.

Matthew 13:20-21 (MSG)

I stop.

Water drips from paddles. Another burden poised on the boats edge, ready to be tossed overboard. Waves laps against the sides of my hard pressed vessel.

Looking back, I notice a field of debris cluttering my wake. Discarded projects, ideas, dreams... people. All things that had become too hard to deal with anymore. So they'd been cast aside for something brighter, shinier, obviously better.

Only something else to add to many other bundles bobbing along behind me.

This scripture of the Sower...

It causes me to stop and think. I paddle hard through life.

I want to be liked...

successful...

accomplished...

productive.

Yet so many failed attempts are left by the wayside. Why?

Because, says Jesus in this lesson, because there is no good soil of character.

Shallowness.

So when the funness wears off, when it begins to get hard, there's no depth for the seed to take root and it withers away. The person gives up... falls away.

Wood on Rock

"In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point
of shedding your blood..."
Hebrews 12:4 (NIV)

I can hear it...

wood scraping over hard packed earth, as I think about how He carried that cross up to Calvary. Dragging it, leaving a trail of blood right across my rocky heart.

My shallow heart.

My give-up-way-too-easily heart.

He never gave up. I break a sweat and I'm ready to abandon.

Oh, but I have such a long way to go. I'm glad His mercies never fail and are new every morning. I'm glad he's patient and loving and kind and willing to give second chance after second chance.

I'm not sure if I can go back and retrieve those things I've cast overboard. Not sure I can take my carelessness back. But I can open my heart to Him, ask Him to dig deep into my soul and clear out the rocks that keep me from growing seed.

I really, really, really want to be good soil. Don't we all?


Father God, break up the hardness of my heart. Forgive me for becoming shallow and allowing circumstances to make me stone and gravel. I wish to be a good planting ground. I wish to be productive, but I can't without You. I desperately need Your hands in my life. Dig, Lord, dig deep. Amen!

Pulling the burden back inside. Looking at it a little differently. Not so much as a burden, but an opportunity to soften my heart and prove to myself that I can stick with it and produce good fruit. I'm not working it out alone. God has his garden gloves on and trowel in hand....

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing
our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before
him he endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of
the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so
that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3 (NIV)

Be Blessed,
J.