When We Hurt Eachother

Does anyone really mean to hurt another?

I suppose, when we hurt, sometimes we lash out at others in our hurt and anger.
But purposefully? With intention? Not when it's someone we love.

Yet, it's the ones we love the most that we tend to hurt the most.
Like angry words at a child when they break something valuable.
Perhaps its a spouse who's not measuring up.
Maybe it's simply taking advantage of someone, forgetting they have feelings, or that they have their own issues they are dealing with.
Or it could simply be letting someone down who put their trust in you.
I don't know why this happens. But the more we love someone, the worse it feels when the hurt comes.

We forget our own humanness. We forget that people are fallible. And the only thing or person of perfection is God himself.

How can we avoid being hurt?

I don't think we can. We are human, and as we've been given the gift of love, so much comes within the pretty package: hurt, guilt, joy, fulfillment, failure, and so much more. We hurt because we love, actually. I just don't think there's any getting around it.

C.S. Lewis wrote:
"To love at all is to be venerable. To love anything and your heart will be
wronged and possibly broken. If you want to make sure to keep it in tact, then
you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully around with
hobbies, attachments and little luxuries, and avoid all entanglements. Lock your
heart up in a safe place like a casket or a coffin of selfishness. But in that
casket, safe and dark and motionless and airless, your heart will change. And it
will not be broken. Instead, it will become ungrateful... impenetrable...
irredeemable.... The only place outside of heaven where you can be perfectly
safe from all the dangers of love, is hell."

I hurt a friend's heart. And mine is broken as well. I cried many tears when it happened, and I'm sure they did as well in one way or another.

God gave me that friend and trusted me with a precious heart and I got careless. And it would be easy to blow it off, to say "Well, I apologized and they need to forgive and get over it." But it's not that easy. Sometimes we forget what a priceless gift friends are. We forget the price Jesus paid for us. As humans, we forget each other's value.

I never meant any harm. I made a very bad choice. Unwise. I had thought a lot about it, but I don't think I prayed it through enough. Or perhaps at all. That's so important. Involving God in all we do, especially when it concerns others. It's easy to run ahead and forget to not take a step until you have a tight grip on His hand.

Then your left with a thousand broken pieces and you wonder if it's possible to clean up such a mess. A mess I myself have created. And I don't suppose all the brooms and dustpans, all the superglue in the world can fix it. So I turn to God and ask for His intervention.

Father, I've made a big mess and I need your help to clean it up!

I sit and think of all the things I could have done differently. It's strange how much clearer all the should have dones are in hindsight.

I pray that time will heal what's been broken. That God will step in and repair the damage I've so carelessly caused. I pray  for given another chance. And with that second chance, I'll take better care and remember what a gift friendship is. Something that shouldn't be taken lightly.

Father, teach us how to be good, solid friends. Help us remember to never forget what a precious treasure people are. We are all your children, and you love each and every one of us as if we were the only one on the face of the earth. Help us to value each other in that same way. Amen.

jc

A repost from the archives, because some things are worth repeating.

Grime and Beauty

The price tag on the beat up old chair read $5. It had no seat. The wood was scratched, dirty, and banged up from misuse. 

I thought...

I can fix this. It just needs some sandpaper, stain, polish. A seat! 

Well, I thought I could. 

About half way through sanding, then adding new stain, I stopped. The wood now felt smooth to my touch. The grain... oh, the beauty!

And I wondered...

When we come to God, do we look like the worthless chair? Probably. 

Something the world has cast aside for trash. Yet He takes us and lovingly smooths down the rough places, cleans away the dirt and gives us a new finish. Or a new life. A new look. A new outlook. Soon, everything changes. 

Value. Appreciation. Appearance. Functionality. 

The chair did nothing. I did all the work. So does God. It's not by us cleaning ourselves up, but His skilled hand working in us. 

The chair...? Well, look for yourselves. 



For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Eph. 2:8-10 (NIV)



When Kindness Tumbles Out...

Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'
This is the first and greatest commandment.
And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
Matt. 22:37-40

So much hangs on that word... Love. Love God with all you've got. Love your neighbor ...


I was reading in my Bible this morning. It's raining and I'm dragging about gettting out of bed. (Don't judge- lol).

As I flipped through the pages, a bookmark tumbled out, one I'd printed a few years back. The header read:

10 Ideas for Kindness

The bookmark came from a site http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/. It's still there, I just checked. Can't find the bookmarks, but there's lots of good stories and suggestions on ways to be kind. For instance, this week's suggestion is to be kind to someone you don't like. Humm... sounds like advice from the same person who said love God and love your neighbor. Didn't later he say, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you?"

Hummm... I think so.

So, the 10 Ideas, let me share them with you...

#1: Say hello
How hard is this sometimes? I'm a real introvert. It's hard, let me tell you. Yet, a simple smile and hello goes a long way when you're brave enough to do it. Such as calling or texting that friend or family member instead of waiting for them to text you. Yes? Yes.

#2: Visit a friend
This one isn't as hard. I enjoy hanging out with friends. Not real keen on visiting when they are sick, or down. Let's be honest here. Then it's kind of a drag. Or, how about visiting when you don't need something; like to pour out your frustrations, or to borrow something.
Like saying "hello" why is it so hard just to make the first move to appreciate someone? I don't know. I'd pull out my introvert card, but that excuse is getting kind of weak.

#3: Let another go first.
Yes, even on the highway when they cut infront of you. Instead of making rude gestures and shouting words only you and God can hear, will it really make us that much later to just let a few in? Yes, what they are doing is rude. Doesn't mean we need to sink to their level. And what about letting someone go in front of you that had a buggy full of groceries, instead of a few items? Wow, now thats a big one, J. That's asking too much. Yeah, maybe so. I'd be hard pressed to do it, too. But maybe, just once, you know? Just to see?

#4: Forgive mistakes
Ugh. Yet, aren't we commanded? Forgive to infintiy and beyond... basically. Forgive if we want to be forgiven. Ouch. Ugh. Drat.

#5: Share a smile
Easy peasy... unless I'm having a bad day. Better watch out then. My smile might look more like the Grinch's evil sneer as he planned to steal Whoville's Christmas. Just scary, people. But did you know, smiles, laughter and yawns are infectious? Try it sometime.

#6: Say hello
Hey, didn't we already cover this? Oh wait, maybe there's a reason it's posted twice. Think?

#7: Lend a hand
I'm hearing the song, "I'll be there, yah, yah, yah, you've got a friend..."  Okay, corney, I know. These things just pop in my head. I have no control.
This one... sometimes it's real easy. But when I'm pressed for time... well, that's another story. Or when you feel like you're being taken advantage of. Or when you're dry and have nothing left to give. Need to involve God, ask for help and wisdom. I do, anyways. Jesus didn't heal everyone he passed, only the one's God told him to. We need to be the same.

#8: Be tolerant
There's that push-button "T" word. Fact is, folks, everyone deserves a chance to get to heaven. We are all sinners, and have been seperated from God. And God has done everything possible to close the gap of that seperation. He's done it for everyone of his children. Every one. Love the way He loves. It's the only way.

#9: Offer a hug
Can I wear a sign, "Need a hug, here!!" I suppose to get hugs, you need to give them. When you give them, more often than not, you'll be hugged back, right? Right?

And the last one...
#10: Do an act of kindness every day.
Oh, if only we would. All of us. Everyday. Every day. One thing. Just one. It certainly won't make the world a worse place, right? Right?

Yeah, I don't think so.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Cor. 1:3-4

Father, help me to be a comfort, to show kindness, to have a giving heart in all things, every day, in many ways. Amen.

Be blessed,
J.

Wonderment Wednesday - Psalms 46

God is our refuge and strength,

an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore, we will not fear,
though the earth give away
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea

though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake at their surging

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God
the holy place where the Most High dwells

God is within her, she will not fall
God will help her at break of day.

Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
He lifts his voice, the earth melts.

The Lord Almighty is with us

The God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come and see the works of the Lord.

Psalms 46:1-8

Keeping Balance in a Crazily Tilting World

"But I am afraid that just as Eve was decieved by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ." 2 Cor. 11:3

Typical day. Get out of bed, spend a few quiet moments journaling, thinking - usually about what I'm going to do that day, along with the standard prayer "God, where do I need to be going?" Follow this by jumping into the shower, getting dressed, the kids off to school, then rolling up my sleeves to tackle that To Do list I diligently wrote out the night before.

Typical next day? Get out of bed. A few moments of quiet time. Thinking. Asking... "Where do I need to be going." Followed by the standard shower, shove the kids off and schedule tackling. Back to a "New and Improved" To Do list.

I keep asking the same question. Sometimes, I wonder, am I asking the right question, though.

Rushing from one task to another, do I miss what's really important? Do I miss out on hearing God in my haste? Do I miss out on gifts He drops during the day? Like the bird's morning songs? The beauty of sunlight beaming across the dining table? The smile of one of my kids as they head off to school?

I'm trying so hard to stay balanced in this crazy, tiltling world.

But am I simply living for the now? Here in This Moment? Stopping to listen? Stopping to see? Waiting to hear?

Or do I keep rushing ahead, searching, yearning, wanting.
Wanting when right here. Right now....

"Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro.

He bustles about, but only in vain,

he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.

But now, Lord, what do I look for?

My hope is in you."

Psalm 39:6-7 

Wonderment Wednesdays

Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls

and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

When You're Eye to Eye With a Tuna

Be joyful always;
1 Thess. 5:16


When I got out of bed this morning, I wasn't too joyful. More like, overwhelmed and discouraged. As if I'd stepped out of bed into deep waters, I felt submerged in a sea of Way-To-Much-To-Do. My list of things I needed to accomplish flooded my heart, and as I walked around the house and saw how behind I was in taking care of things, I sank deeper into confusion and lack of direction. 


How do I let myself get to where I'm eye to eye with a tuna? 


pray continually;
1 Thess. 5:17


That's exactly what I began doing... praying. "Lord, how do I get all of this done? How do I focus my time, take care of my responsibilities, yet continue to do the task I need to do? 


When you ask, a way out begins to reveal itself. 
Normally, I look at my list and dive into it, then about mid-day, I wear down and it takes awhile to get myself going again. As I thought about my rhythm, I realized I'd do better working with myself, than against myself. Since I'm more creative in the morning, I should set that time aside for writing work. In the afternoon, when my mind gets groggy, its a prime time to get outside and work in the yard, or do some housework. Anything physical. 


This made so much sense, and I tried it today, finding it really did work. 


He doesn't leave us submerged for long. A hand always reaches down into the depths and pulls us back up. 


give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thess. 5:18


Soon as the doom and gloom hit me, I fought back. I grabbed my Gratitude journal and began to think of the gifts I'd seen lately. It's amazing, how once your eyes are focused on the good, everything else falls into focus as well. Joy returned. So did an eagerness to figure a way to get everything done. 


I wrote down all the things I've started, every project I want to do, every job that needs to be done and every writing piece I need to work on. It's like putting all your ducks in a row, so to speak. Now I know what I have. Now I can begin to break down how I will get it done. 


He pulled me out, spitting and sputtering, but I feel my breaths again. I'm back on solid ground. I can see a path, a way through. Of course it's there. It's always been there. 




No matter what you are faced with, start with counting the blessings. It clears your mind like a fresh wind clears away the clouds. Don't let discouragement keep you submerged in hopelessness. 


He loves you. He has good plans for you. If He is for you, none can stand against you. He will make a way. There is always a way through. 


Go ahead. Throw back your head and smile big. Let praises rise up with reckless abandon. He is good and worth to be praised. 


Be blessed, 
J. 

Wonderment Wednesday: Habakkuk 3

Though the cherry trees don't blossom

and the strawberries don't ripen,

Though the apples are worm-eaten

and the wheat fields stunted.

Though the sheep pens are sheepless

and the cattle barns empty,

I am singing joyful praises to God.

I am turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God.

Counting on God's Rule to prevail,

I take heart and gain strength.

I run like a deer.

I feel like I'm king of the mountain!

Habakkuk 3:17-19 MSG

Wonderment Wednesday: Psalm 16

Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places,

surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;

even at night my heart instructs me.

I have set the Lord always before me.

Because he is at my right hand,

I will not be shaken.

 Psalm 16:5-8 (NIV)

Still Reflections- On The Road Again

(A re-post from the archives. One of my favorites!)

Staring out the backseat window of my friend Patty's Silverado truck, I half-listened to the conversation between her and our other friend, Dawn, about the need for first-hand research.

Dawn: "It would be fun to visit Connecticut, Patty, but we can't right now. We've just come from Minnesota. We need to go home."

Patty: "But in the Writing Authentic Historicals class, they said research is a very important. What better way to get the details right than to take a road trip over that way?"

I watched the white highway lines zoom past, ready to get home to my every day comfort, as well. The trip up to the conference and back had been such fun, but home beckoned.

Dawn (determination now steeling her voice)- "Maybe so, but we can't just head off to Connecticut. It's not anywhere near Texas."

At this point Patty turns to face Dawn, an eerie glint in her eyes like a toddler set on getting the last cookie from the jar placed on a high shelf. Then she says something I don't think I'll ever forget. With both hands firmly gripping the steering wheel, she stares transfixed at the winding road ahead and replies,

"I have four wheels and a tank of gas, what do you mean I can't go to Con-nec-ti-cut?"

Dawn's mouth drops, as well as my own. I swear that Patty meant it with all the sincerity of a boyscout . As long as she had a car, a tank of fuel and four inflated tires, what's to stop her?

Oh, but I wish I had such tenacity about plowing forward with my life.

We weren't meant to stand still. If we were, we'd sprout roots from our feet and grow leaves. No, God created us for the journey. He created us to run and not grow weary.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith... (Heb. 12:1-2)

Everybody is going somewhere...

Sometimes, the path is smooth and open. My feet meet the pavement like soft butter on warm toast. Everything is great. My joy explodes with each step. I have a song in my heart and a wave for every passing stranger.

Life couldn't be better!

Then other times, I stop dead in my tracks... breath, heart and stomach caught in my throat over what lays ahead.

In places like this I find myself gasping out fervent prayers for help, assistance, rescue. Yet, I venture on, steps cautious like a tight-rope walker. I see the road, though it's a bit unstable, perhaps flooded with worry and concerns.

And like David in Psalms, a cry escapes my lips, "For you are God, my only safe haven. Why have you tossed me aside?" (Ps.43:2 NLT)

That's kind of how it feels when the road gets rough and I become unsure of where to go next.

Still, other times, I stare up in disbelief at the mountain ahead, wondering how will I ever make it over this obstacle. Faith needed to cast the mountain aside, has been cast aside at the sight of such insurmountable opposition.

But once I really look, and sometimes you have to look really, really hard...there it is...

For when you did awesome things that we did not expect, you came
down, and the mountains trembled before you. Since ancient times no one has
heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on
behalf of those who wait for him. Isa. 64:3-4

There, my eyes locate a small narrow path winding its way past tight turns and steep uphill climbs. But it's there; a way over and to the other side. It's always been there. It will always be there.

Eyes must learn to focus on the small steps, not the giant leaps.

We are called to travel, to move forward, to continue the race set before us.

Despite how the path looks, how low, how obstructed, how high- He will not abandon.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;

Psalm 23:3-4

Father God, help me to walk boldly along the paths you have set before me. Help me to not look in trepidation at the obstacles that get in the way, but to always, always, always, keep my eyes focused on you. For you walk at my side. You hold my hand securely. You guide with gentle nudges. Keep me near. Keep me close. Amen.